Sunday, April 25, 2010

What do FOX and ABC Have in Common with an Iranian Cleric? A Fear of Breasts of Course!

WARNING! – this blog post is filled with mentions of breasts! If you fear mammary glands – I beg you, don’t read this blog. Better yet go see a shrink, cuz I’d say it’s pretty easy to assume you have “issues” if you do.

Okay all, I promised you a rant, and here it is.

This morning I was made privy to the fact that both television networks, ABC and Fox (both networks that have a flawed reputations for being “family friendly”) have refused to air this wonderful ad from Lane Bryant for their stunning “Cacique” brand of lingerie.

Please watch the offending ad and you can make up your own mind as to what Fox and ABC found so offensive about it that they won’t air it before 9:00 pm (if at all.)

Mind you, I understand that both networks air the equally (if not more so) racy Victoria’s Secret advertisement during the daytime and early evening “family hours” but someone at both networks found the fact that this gorgeous woman in beautiful bras and underwear (which mind you, cover more of her body than most bikinis on television) had too much cleavage which rendered the ads morally unacceptable to air.

Now – the ad shows this woman in her underwear texting her assumed lover (Husband? Wife? Who cares?) who has asked to meet her for lunch. In response, she puts on her coat and leaves the house.

OH FOR SHAME this woman has a love life! EVIL BIG-BREASTED wenches should know they’re not REALLY wanted in society and that no man or woman will ever EVER find them attractive. NO – YOU STAY AT HOME and you stay inside for you are NOT WORTHY of love nor should you have self-esteem enough to think you should ever have someone find your ample cleavage attractive.

ABC and FOX – I hope you all rot in whatever proverbial hell you work in, because it’s actions like this double-standard that are the very REASON women still find themselves feeling inadequate because they wear a bra that doesn’t require “push-up” action like the skinnier size 2 models use in Victoria’s Secret ads. Their feathery wings make them look so angelic that heaven must approve of tinier models than the one seen in the above ad. Right?

It all comes down to the perpetuation of the social stigma that women aren’t supposed to feel good about themselves unless they’re thin and are a perfect cookie-cutter clones of department stores’ mannequins.

FOX and ABC - you have made a corporate decision to say that larger women are more “morally wrong” for purely having larger breasts than a Victoria’s Secret model who wear angels’ wings while she sits pertly for her lover in an old jalopy.

You have effectively told men that women of average size (and I DO MEAN AVERAGE) are not worthy of their affection because cleavage is evil and this wanton woman is about to commit some horrible sin.

Since I don’t believe there is a hell, I will tell you and your idiotic market-share-centric employees that I for one will continue to shop at Lane Bryant and will continue to buy their BEAUTIFUL lingerie and I will now ask the producers of said shows airing on your networks to assure that they’re not being refused ad revenue because you’re afraid of breasts.

Especially when the shows airing likely contain sex scenes with skinny little women.

I really, really loathe hypocrites.

And ABC and FOX – you’re about as hypocritical as they come.

Now, excuse me while me and my DDs go shopping for a SEXY new bra just so I can commit the evil sin of CLEAVAGE.

WHICH BY THE WAY!!! Don’t forget everyone! Tomorrow me and other evil woman are going to dress in CLEAVAGE revealing clothing tomorrow to challenge the Iranian cleric’s theory that scantily clad women are the reason there are earthquakes on this planet.

So by all rights, there should be one MASSIVE earth-ending BOOBQUAKE tomorrow.

Sure – you can blame me. I’m a woman after all – the source of all evil – remember?


  1. My husband just picked out a plunging halter dress & bra for me at Lane Bryant. He's a happy man when I wear it! Guess I'll wear it tomorrow!

  2. Excellent! I too will be wearing my plunge neck line top. Alas, my husband is traveling and I will be alone - but this shouldn't stop the testing of the premise... lol.

  3. There was an earthquake in Taiwan that day you know(and about a dozen that didn't register, as there is every day). Must be the boobs. Good thing I'm a leg man :P